So there I was in the Land of Make Believe, and Mr. Rogers is just WAILING on me with a baseball bat.
I ask him, "What's your beef, McDude?"
He says, "You hid my favorite sweater and now my sneakers are making funny noises, you little -"
Hold up, wait a minute, Mr. Rogers would NEVER say something like that...
Rewind...
So there I was, standing before the Wizard of Oz, squinting because all the green is giving me a bitchkitty of a headache. He opens his mouth to say something profound and this fly flies right out of his enormous head.
"Dude," I say, as calmly as my jade-blinded mind can cope with, "There was a fly in your noggin'!"
"Of course!" he shrieks, sounding more like the Wicked Witch of the West than Oz, the great and terrible. "How else do you keep ideas buzzing in your head?"
WHAT?!?!?
Rewind...
So I'm on the shores of an unknown lake in the middle of nowhere, tied to a pole, being hefted by two pot-bellied tribesmen with stew on the minds and blades on their belts. It does not look so good for our hero. Must be something I said, because I THOUGHT I'd said "I'd like to meet your leader." Probably said something like "Noodles grope your daughter." Dang foreign languages...
One of the tribes men says "Ungah ge karow mit grobe tun dic warbal tac."
The other responds with, "Mangaree! Tung goo farga bin leek dif fragin biss!"
The first replies, "Muchugah! Gran dif leekin grub mack doofing slab toke mine. Zubungho."
The second counters with "Zubungho!?! Zepp tookin fleep mork baff lik munga chok! Issin brat goon brack fline beegun fropsy! Zubungho! Bah! Gocheekbah!!"
The first, astounded, says, "Gocheekbah!?! Hmmm... Gocheekbah!!!"
The both look at me and the look in their eyes is not one of pity, in much the same way that the eyes of a butcher are not pity filled while slaughtering a cow. It was more of a look that said, "How do you want your done? Medium well? Extra rare? With or without mushrooms?"
Scccccrrrrrrraaaaaaattttttccccccchhhhhhh...........
I wake up. I'm still sitting in the office with nothing to do... Damn.
Yeah, that IS a dream.
Willie Wonka wants a panda.
Dressed in tap shoes, like a danda.
Tippity tap, all metal to wood.
Tips his hat, bows like you should.
Greets the children with smiles and flowers.
Tolerates their whining by the hours.
Gimme the candy, the chocolate, the sugar!
Flick a winner, pick a booger.
Choose your friends with wisdom and care,
For someday you'll need them, they may not be there.
"Love many, trust few,
Always paddle your own canoe."
Words to live by for paranoids and cynics
And all those folks who think that their critics
Of the human condition and all that it stands for
But fail in the long run, like they're smacked by Gigantor
So frail, so fragile the ego of men
Who fail to learn anything again and again
And like those small children pestering Wonka
All they think they need is a toy (not a Tonka)
More stuff! More things! Give me overabundance.
Back off, Mr. Big Britches, you have a preponderance
Of cash and of capital, but you're lacking in substance,
Grow a soul, grow a conscience, enjoy your rich circumstance.
Ok, too shallow, too deep, don't make a peep...
hush, hush, hush... huzzah...
TOO MUCH COFFEE MAN IS MY HERO!!!!!!
(Sick thing is, I don't drink coffee...)
Ok, enough insanity for today.
If anyone reads this, please, feel free to flame the bageebers outta me. It shows you care...
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