Another one of life's DUR moments...

Amazon. A place of commerce and trade. One can usually find comedy there, but typically it's found in the movies or music section (anyone heard of Weird Al Yankovic?) It's not usually found in the produce isle.

And yet...

I (or rather my wife) was toodling around on Facebook, checking out various posts of interests. She and I are hooked into George Takei's page, and of course, George (or his staffers) have posted some interesting things from Amazon (usually reviews of odd items, typically Star Trek related, like Spock and Kirk salt and pepper shakers). In this particular instance, it was for a gallon of milk.

What's so funny about a gallon of milk, you may ask. Nothing much, really. 128 fluid ounces of bovine lactic acid. Here's the link, in case you want to see for yourself:

Tuscan Whole Milk

Now, I hope that you actually clicked on that link to check out the advertisement in question, so that you know for yourself that I am not kidding in any way, form, fashion, or idea: they advertised it at $45 a gallon.

I realize that free market enterprise drives this great (grate?) and glorious nation of ours, but really?!?! Forty-five bucks for a gallon of a beverage that you can walk to the store and get for less than five?

Needless to say, my eyes crossed.

But wait! There's more!

Amazon has this wonderful feature called "Customers Who View This Item Also Viewed." Again, it's a marketing tool, ensuring and cementing that glorious herd mentality of "Keeping Up With the Joneses."

HOWEVER... in this case, I found my jaw dropped, my eyes bugged, and my guffaws flowing freely at what other items were typically viewed with this overpriced gallon of milk.

Here's a brief list:

Uranium Ore - for $35.95 plus shipping and handling (here's hoping that UPS has lead-lined gloves), Images SI Inc. will send you a radioactive ore sample!

How To Avoid Huge Ships - For only $325.42, you too can own this lovely paperback by well-known author and humanitarian John W. Trimmer, as he explains in minute detail of how these terrifying beasts of commerce can be avoided. In only 112 pages.

AutoExec Wheelmate Steering Wheel Attachable Work Surface Tray - Oh! Must hurry! Only THREE left in stock! (Is it just me that sees the irony that you're going to get pulled over and given a ticket for texting while driving from a guy with an open laptop sitting next to him?)

And while ogling that uranium ore, there are these goodies to waste your ducats on:

A unicorn cookie cutter - Why is this on the URANIUM ORE page? It would have made some sense on the milk page (milk and cookies - yum!), but why coupled with the radioactive isotope sample?!?!

Canned Unicorn Meat - Does it taste like Skittles? (no, apparently it tastes like polyvinyl stuffing).

Harcos Labratory Nuclear Energy Powder Uranium Yellowcake Flavor - YELLOWCAKE?!?!?! WTF?!?!?! Oh! More clever marketing! It's like PopRocks... with a real doozy of a wake-me-up. 

And I could follow these particular rabbit trails for-bloody-ever. Zombie jerky, bacon themed adhesive bandages, Weener Kleener soap, emergency underpants dispenser... 

Will wonders never cease!